Just wanted to share this with everyone, I loved it.
I think that I just figured out that I stopped going to Church for all the wrong reasons. Somewhere along the way it became about me, about me not being comfortable in Church because of who I am. Or possibly searching for answers when I don't even have the question right and it could be trying to push God away because I know that when I let him in that he is going to wreck my self hatred and blame (a place where I am comfortable). I forgot that it isn't all about me.